I used to be so sad that I didn't get to spend nearly as much time with the children as volunteers are able too, but I have come to learn that we, Lee and I, are here to serve the volunteers. Yes we serve the children, but largely in an indirect way, making this experience possible for volunteers.We make sure that the volunteers are well physically, spiritually and emotionally. Yesterday's events involved nurturing all of those areas.
The Roseros (the Directors whose Assistants we are) have been out of town, and just like last time they went out of town something big happened.
Basically, the month of December has been full of adjusting and readjusting. The volunteers have been constantly saying goodbye to one and then welcoming another. Naturally they were stuck in Tuckman's Group Stages of forming and storming and never had the change to move on norming and performing.( Click here to read more about each stage.) I have watched as this took its toll and dampened the mood of the group as I overheard back-bitting conversations this week. And Tuesday everything erupted.
Tuesday afternoon Lee and I needed to finish up some office work before I had the Young Women from our ward over to work on a craft. All of the volunteers were at shift besides one male volunteer (lets call him Matt) and a female volunteer( Lets call her Jane), who were shopping in the city.
I was working on the craft with the young women in the dining room when Jane open the gate, then the front door and ran up the stairs crying. Matt, quite a distance behind her entered the house and quickly asked, "Where is Lee? I need to talk to him NOW." Matt went to spoke to Lee and I finished things up with the Young Women. When I was finished I went to talk to Jane. Basically, the two of them got in an argument in town and both were livid, never wanting to see each other again. After talking to Jane I went to talk to Lee. Lee told me Matt's side and I shared Jane's side. We together decided this needed to be solved before the other volunteers got home from shift. So Lee coached Jane and I coached Matt on how to speak to each other. The four of us met together in the office. It started off a bit rough, but in the end they were each able to recognize and apologize for their part. We discussed the importance of not talking about this incident to anyone else- to let it be and not poison the others. They agreed.
Tuesdays are our big meeting days. Each Tuesday normally begins with a private leadership meeting with the Roseros, but this week they were out of town so Lee and I met alone.
Then beginning around 6:30om Lee meets individually with what are called "Site Leaders", we currently have 5 Site leaders. Site leaders are volunteers who have been selected to work at a specific orphanage more than any other volunteers. The main purpose of this is to give the children consistent good care.
While Lee is conducting his Site meetings, I am conducting my Committee meetings in another room. I meet privately with the each Committee leader. There is a Housing Committee, a Food Committee, a Communications Committee, and an Activities Committee. Each plays a huge role in keeping our little OSSO community in order.
At 8:00pm, all of the volunteers gather for what is called "General Meeting."At this meeting the Roseros make general announcements then Lee and I lead a discussion about Sites and Committees with the input of Site and Committee leaders.
The volunteers arrived home and began our respective meetings. During my Activities Committee meeting with another female volunteer, lets call her Katie, seemed cold and upset. Katie eventually shared how she had had a long day and was angry with the other male volunteer in the house, lets call him Dave. She said she has always had a problem with him and today was her last straw. Her problems with him were in regards to his service in her site so I asked her to invite Dave to her meeting with Lee and talk it out right away. She did and they resolved their problem. Dave was understanding and apologetic and this surprised Katie.
The main problem, as I saw it, was that the volunteers had not taken the time to get to know each other and as a result were judging each other unfairly. Even though two large conflicts had been resolved we felt that the group as a whole was still suffering.
So I began the 8:00pm General meeting with the following quotes from How to Win Friends and Influence people.
"Do you know someone you would like to change and regulate and improve? Good! That is fine. I am all in favor of it. But why not begin on yourself? Its a lot more profitable than trying to improve others... Any fool can criticize,condemn and complain and most fools do. But it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving... Instead of condemning people, let's try to understand them. Let's figure our why they do what they do. To know all is to forgive all. God himself does not propose to judge man until the end of his days, why should you and I?"
Lee followed this up by a quote from Cameron Steeles song Her Advice " There are two kinds of people in this world; the ones you love and the ones you don't know." Then I asked each volunteer to share something about themselves that we do not know about them. The next hour was miraculously beautiful. Tears streamed down every face as we learned of the secret struggles each person had.
Healing began to take place as we discussed what contention was and how we could remove it from our home. We discussed the origin of contention and how the war in Heaven wasn't a war of bloodshed it was a war of conflicting ideas- the beginnings of contention.
Each person committed to follow the council given in D&C 121:43 “reproving betimes (in the moment) with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy.”
I am so grateful for the Gospel of Jesus Christ and His example. It was the gift of His Spirit that facilitated this inspired discussion to take place.
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